Mater's Corner: The lonely hour

It's the 2/3 o'clock hour and the slump falls upon me. The loneliness so poignant that it hurts. Outside the toddler laughs and runs. He whacks trees with sticks and throws balls. I delight in him, but my melancholic spirit weeps. The trees are losing the last of their leaves. They shudder and they're gone. The sky is heavy and grey and there is a strong breeze. It's not cold. It's not hot. There are tears in my eyes. How can joy, beauty, and ache exist side by side? Suffering comes in many shapes and sizes. More tortuous than anything is the human heart. Who can fathom it? The kids occupy themselves with meaningless activities. I try not to stop them. I know they will eventually come back to reality. I know this time is necessary to adjust back to normal day to day. We'll wean back into homeschooling. Today they wrote thank you cards. The days are too long. The days are too short. I loathe to post this post. It's hard to read someone else's sufferings. We try to avoid them. Facebook is full of vacuous memes. I often scroll scroll scroll looking to see if anyone had said anything real and to find connection. This is a moment of rawness. God gifts it to me daily. I try to unite it in prayer ...usually it will be right at 3 and I will pray the divine mercy chaplet. I pray it for mercy on the whole world like the prayer says. I pray it for mercy over myself and over all my failings and weaknesses. I pray it because years ago God asked me to and even though I hurt for the kingdom and for all to be made new I pray that prayer in stubborn obedience and hope for that promise of mercy, peace, and unending joy. Take my pain and make of it what you will. Ignore it. Scroll down some more. It'll still be with me tomorrow. Dwell on the moment with the toddler off now in the woods battling imaginary villains armed with stick swords and guns...rest there on that ruddy face.