The Christmas season is a hard one for me. While the world spouts joy, joy, joy I feel more heavily upon me an ache. I ache for the ones who are no longer here to celebrate the season. I ache for those too far away for me to visit. I ache for food, smells, and sights of long ago. Even more than that is my spiritual ache. I am filled these days with a deep deep loneliness that nothing can fill, not even my six children and loving husband. To quote Augustine, "You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”. Intellectually I know this. Intellectually I know a lot of things. My melancholy and depressed spirit has a harder time of the knowing. I wonder if there is something wrong in me that despite all this knowing I am not comforted by God's presence and coming. So I pray harder so that I will be. I pray that God will fill in that empty place reserved for Himself. It crosses my mind that perhaps I will never feel the feels like the rest of the world claims to. I know for certain though that all these things I do not feel on this earth are waiting for me when I join my Father in Heaven. I know that He has reserved for me a place where I will finally encounter the peace that surpasses all understanding. All the mental anguish of my pensive soul will be wiped away and I will find joy. The baby Christ is coming tomorrow and I am filled with hope. I hope in all things promised and revealed. I long and I wait.
It's the 2/3 o'clock hour and the slump falls upon me. The loneliness so poignant that it hurts. Outside the toddler lau...
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