Mater's Corner: The Homeschool Rut

Lately I have lost my steam and umph when it comes to homeschooling. There's been so many worries and cares in other areas of my life and I haven't had the energy and passion for engaging learning that I had back in June. I guess I am a little ADHD too, because I am a little bored with our curriculum. Things have hit a homeschool rut. Here's what I have discovered this year. I love and hate read-a-louds. My kids are not quiet. My kids do not sit still and grow all glow-eyed and mesmerized when I sit down to read them a story. In fact, they grow louder, more rowdy and I have to project my voice to the point of growing hoarse. This is why I love/hate read-a-louds. I want my children to hear, read, and love good stories. I spent my childhood and young adulthood with my nose stuck in a book. My second eldest takes after me in this respect. He learned to read a bit late, but when he did he took off reading. He's a regular little scholar. The eldest was never much of a reader until now. She has been reading so much this year that I need to not look so pleased or she may stop. The middle two are young. 8 and six. My 8 year old has been reading his readers for school. He read one book at Christmas. But he doesn't pick up books and read for pleasure yet. The six year old does. She'll pull down Amelia Bedelia, Frog and Toad, or the Bernstein Bears and read it out loud to herself. I am a very laid back parent. I don't want to do every little thing for my children. I'm a bit lazy. I also think it's good for them to think and do for themselves. I think what I want is for them to read to themselves the interesting and exciting and beautiful stories that I want them to read. For me learning is so much about what we love. In my own case this year has been about coming back to a love that I never thought to find again. It's a love of animals and nature. While I find myself flailing at it, I also realize that this lesson in minifarm life is a window into the natural world for myself and the children. I have learned so much about rabbits, quail, mysterious predators, hunting hounds. I have watched as squirrels destroyed our banana trees and steal seeds I'd planted. I have seen vole mounds and watched one quickly burrow underground. I have seen a freeze destroy the last of my gardening attempts. All this I'm a bystander and participant in and it's been a much more interesting classroom than my book learning. Different. They're both interesting. I just hope that this time when life is interrupting my zeal for sit down classroom style learning is not hindering my kiddos. I hope they're seeing the other things going on and finding some lesson there. We still do our work and I hope as we get back into it today/tomorrow I will be more pumped and steer them in wonder and joy of whatever mysteries life has in store. 

Mater's Corner: Weary traveler

Things have been really really hard lately and I haven't been able to write. There's a part of me that feels like my words cannot possibly have any meaning because I do not have any bit of my life put together. I am just sitting outside watching my three youngest children play and it brings me great joy. The sun came up over our wooded yard and warmed my weariness. The dog is yapping at the five remaining quail. We lost two more last week to some stealthy predator. I do not know how to have a minifarm. I don't know what I am doing with homeschooling. I don't know how to address all the many issues in my family. I am full of not knowing and doubt and worry and exhaustion. The two year old never sleeps and still nurses like a newborn at night. It all seems too much. It is too much. But you know what? I was never meant to carry all of this myself. Jesus died for my brokenness and He makes up for everything that is lacking in me. Not having control of everything is an enormous blessing. Here you go, Lord take my weaknesses and carry me. I surrender all this mess and brokenness. The dog is still yapping and I am off to find out what shenanigans the little ones are up to now. 

Mater's Corner: The lonely hour

It's the 2/3 o'clock hour and the slump falls upon me. The loneliness so poignant that it hurts. Outside the toddler laughs and runs. He whacks trees with sticks and throws balls. I delight in him, but my melancholic spirit weeps. The trees are losing the last of their leaves. They shudder and they're gone. The sky is heavy and grey and there is a strong breeze. It's not cold. It's not hot. There are tears in my eyes. How can joy, beauty, and ache exist side by side? Suffering comes in many shapes and sizes. More tortuous than anything is the human heart. Who can fathom it? The kids occupy themselves with meaningless activities. I try not to stop them. I know they will eventually come back to reality. I know this time is necessary to adjust back to normal day to day. We'll wean back into homeschooling. Today they wrote thank you cards. The days are too long. The days are too short. I loathe to post this post. It's hard to read someone else's sufferings. We try to avoid them. Facebook is full of vacuous memes. I often scroll scroll scroll looking to see if anyone had said anything real and to find connection. This is a moment of rawness. God gifts it to me daily. I try to unite it in prayer ...usually it will be right at 3 and I will pray the divine mercy chaplet. I pray it for mercy on the whole world like the prayer says. I pray it for mercy over myself and over all my failings and weaknesses. I pray it because years ago God asked me to and even though I hurt for the kingdom and for all to be made new I pray that prayer in stubborn obedience and hope for that promise of mercy, peace, and unending joy. Take my pain and make of it what you will. Ignore it. Scroll down some more. It'll still be with me tomorrow. Dwell on the moment with the toddler off now in the woods battling imaginary villains armed with stick swords and guns...rest there on that ruddy face. 

LM's Corner: Spring

I like Spring. It's a day when the sun comes up and flowers grow. You can play outside when Spring is there. The animals come back from winter. 

Mater's Corner: A Simple Year

My life is so simple and uncluttered. Yes. With six children under the age of 13 my life is simple and uncluttered. The reason for this is simple. I haven't filled up my days with endless activities. We don't do sports. We don't do extracurricular activities. We homeschool and go to church and Sunday school. Occasionally we have a playdate. None of my children ask for outings or sports or playgroups. I am the one who forces everyone to get in the car and do a family outing or a group playdate. In general we are just home. Any busy-ness that I have in my life is from the demands and cares of raising and educating children and the cares and demands of the animals. 

I have tried through the years to force myself to do outings and extra classes and co-ops for the kids. It's never really worked out for me or the kids. It might be a fit for one but not for the all the others. Or there's a birth or sickness that throws everything out of whack and we all end up home again. It gets harder and harder to pack them all up and try again with some new group. I am not a group person. I'm a social creature, but not with groups. I think my children are a lot like me. I'm not saying we will never do sports or fill our days with activities. There may come a time where that is what my life is like. For now though it is not filled up with worldly cares but filled up with life. I am not going to tell anyone what to do with their days. But if life seems too crazy try and just look and see what worries and cares are coming from impositions that you are putting on yourself. God has reminded me over the years to keep it simple. 

TJ'S Corner: Mysterious Benedict Society

One day an ad appears in the newspaper, "Are you a gifted child looking for special opportunities? Children from all over come but only four are chosen it is they that must stop a danger called the emergency as super spies...will they prevail or fail and curse the world to the emergency. 

Mater's Corner: Series of Unfortunate Events

It's always something with the car, the house, or in todays case...those rabbits. I was so happy because we finally narrowed down our brood a bit. I love those rabbits to bits, but we had more than I could handle. The other day a friend of mine traded with us and took three of our rabbits. We still had five boys and three girls. As I posted a few days ago, Mama Nip had somehow punctured her nose. She was recuperating in a new pen we had set up to prevent infections spreading to the other rabbits. Last night something happened. Our pup was taking much too long going potty before bed. I went out and called him several times and he just wouldn't come in. I got my husband and his papa voice made the puppy come. I was worried about the rabbits. We both went and checked on them and could see Nip in her hidey hole and breathing heavily. We also noticed that she had dug under the log I had put in front of the enclosure to keep her from getting out. This morning Nip was dead. We surmised that she must have gotten out and encountered the pup and made it back into her hole to die. I feel so bad. I feel like I am messing with life and death and screwing  it all up. I feel like I don't know what I am doing and should just give up completely. And yet,  I'm comforted by the stories of James Herriot and the struggles he faced as a country vet. He wrote so many stories of loss and of life. It seems to be the farming way. I've never been  a farmer. I've spent my life with my nose stuck in a book. This is novel what I'm doing, but not quite like any novel I ever read. As my eldest would say, RIP Nip. Sighs....onward, onward. Hoping this new year is better.